Navigating Role Change After Divorce: An Occupational Therapy Perspective on Staying Strong and Learning Through Change
Divorce can be one of life’s most significant upheavals, leaving people to redefine their identities and navigate a new reality as they transition from being part of a couple to living as a single individual. This change impacts people on multiple levels, from emotional and social adjustments to practical lifestyle shifts. Occupational Therapy (OT) theory offers valuable insights into this transformation, highlighting the importance of self-awareness, resilience, and therapeutic support. By exploring the bio-psycho-social impact of divorce through the Model of Human Occupation (MOHO), as well as Sensory Integration (SI) theory, we can better understand the nuances of this life shift and explore ways to support individuals in rebuilding and processing their lives post-divorce.
The Bio-Psycho-Social Impact of Divorce
The experience of divorce affects the biological, psychological, and social aspects of an individual's life. Bio-psycho-socially, the person is experiencing changes on several fronts:
Biologically: Emotional stress from divorce can have physical consequences. It may disrupt sleep, cause tension or pain in the body, and even lower immune response, leaving the person feeling fatigued or more susceptible to illness. Physical responses may also involve sensory reactions, such as feeling on edge or hypersensitive to surroundings, smells, or sounds.
Psychologically: Divorce often requires individuals to reexamine their sense of self and life purpose. Many divorced individuals report experiencing sadness, anger, and anxiety, which are part of the grieving process. They’re not only grieving the end of a relationship but also the role they had within it. This transition calls for redefining oneself and learning how to be single while developing personal goals that reflect who they are without the partnership.
Socially: The change from being in a couple to being single impacts one's social roles and routines. Social networks may shift, as friends and acquaintances might fall on either side of the couple. The person may feel isolated, particularly if their social identity and activities were heavily centered on their partner or shared responsibilities.
MOHO: Understanding Occupational Roles and Identity Post-Divorce
The Model of Human Occupation (MOHO) is an OT theory that examines how people’s environments, habits, and internal motivations shape their occupations—or, more simply, the activities that structure their lives. MOHO can help us understand how divorce disrupts established roles, routines, and even one’s sense of identity.
Role Change: The transition from spouse to single means shedding many shared responsibilities and, in some cases, a complete lifestyle. In a couple, there may have been shared household tasks, joint decision-making, and established social routines. After divorce, a person’s occupational roles may feel fragmented or incomplete, leaving them to figure out how to fill this void and what new roles they need or want to assume.
Identity Reformation: MOHO emphasizes the concept of volition, or the motivation and meaning we attach to our actions. In a relationship, people often derive meaning from being a partner, and they shape their goals and values around shared dreams. With divorce, they need to revisit these inner motivations and reflect on what matters to them individually. Reestablishing identity requires conscious efforts to explore new interests, embrace solo activities, and reframe life goals.
Building New Routines: Routine disruptions are also central to this transition. From shared mealtimes and bedtime routines to familiar weekend activities, the structure that helped life feel predictable is suddenly gone. MOHO suggests developing new habits that reinforce self-care, support physical and mental health, and help stabilize this change. Gradually, these new routines can foster a renewed sense of control, stability, and confidence.
Sensory Integration Theory: Coping with the Heartache
Sensory Integration (SI) theory, traditionally applied to children with sensory processing issues, can also be insightful when applied to the emotional pain of divorce. SI theory considers how people interpret and respond to sensory information in ways that impact their reactions and coping mechanisms. Heartache, stress, and loss can heighten sensory sensitivities, leading to what many call “emotional overload.” These responses can often feel unpredictable, bringing on waves of intense sadness or irritation triggered by sensory memories—like hearing a song that used to be “ours” or being in spaces once shared.
Emotional and Sensory Overwhelm: The nervous system processes physical and emotional pain similarly, which means that, biologically, heartbreak can create a physical sensation of distress. This may include a heavy chest feeling, a knot in the stomach, or general hypersensitivity. Individuals experiencing this may find they avoid certain places, songs, or scents to minimize sensory overload.
Grounding and Sensory Coping Strategies: SI theory suggests using grounding techniques that engage the senses to calm the nervous system. Taking deliberate time for sensory self-care—like practicing deep breathing, engaging in hobbies that require focus (e.g., painting, cooking, or gardening), or using textured materials to soothe—can help a person feel more present and less overwhelmed. Simple strategies like holding a hot beverage, smelling a favorite essential oil, or wearing comfortable, comforting fabrics can make a tangible difference.
Supporting Resilience Through OT-Inspired Strategies
Occupational therapists often work with clients who have experienced major life transitions, helping them reestablish a meaningful and balanced life. Here are several practical, OT-inspired strategies to help process and adjust to this life change:
Focus on Self-Discovery: Embrace new interests and hobbies. Whether it’s a creative pursuit, physical activity, or a new skill, engaging in activities that bring joy can help define who you are outside of a partnership.
Establish New Roles and Routines: MOHO suggests incorporating meaningful roles and routines to bring structure and purpose. Simple routines like morning exercise, journaling, or evening self-reflection can create stability. Try building a daily or weekly schedule that promotes both productivity and enjoyment.
Mindful Sensory Experiences: Reconnect with your body and environment in ways that feel grounding. Cooking a comforting meal, listening to soothing music, or walking in nature can activate your senses in positive ways and ease sensory overwhelm. Create an environment that supports your needs—maybe that’s adding cozy elements to your space, diffusing calming scents, or creating a personal retreat at home.
Seek Social and Emotional Support: Reestablishing a supportive social network is essential. This could mean reconnecting with old friends, joining support groups, or attending local classes or community events to meet new people. Strengthening social bonds, even with acquaintances, can help combat feelings of isolation.
Therapeutic Support: Working with a counselor or occupational therapist can provide tools to manage stress and anxiety while exploring the roots of new habits, goals, and roles. Therapists trained in MOHO or sensory-based therapies can offer insights into building a balanced life after divorce.
Learning and Growing Through Change
Divorce may initially feel like the end of a life chapter, but it’s also an opportunity for personal growth. According to MOHO, rebuilding an occupation-rich life after divorce involves exploring one’s motivations, roles, and habits to redefine purpose and identity. As people adjust, they often find new strengths and interests they may never have discovered before.
From an OT perspective, the journey from being a partner to embracing singlehood can be transformative. By understanding and nurturing the sensory and emotional aspects of loss, people can navigate this change with a greater sense of self-awareness and compassion. And ultimately, through a combination of self-discovery, resilience-building practices, and community support, they can cultivate a life that’s vibrant and fulfilling.
